The Ultimate Holiday

Having just returned from a 4-day trip that stretched, incrementally, into 8, I can confidently say the Soneva Fushi is without peer.

And not only is it peerless, but from numerous vantage points, angles of observation, or states of being, it is perfect.  Against such a lofty backdrop any critique is idiosyncratic and motivated solely by the selfish desire to see the criticism addressed so that I can reach nirvana when I return.    

Indeed, there will come a moment early during your stay at Soneva Fushi when you will wonder whether you’ve died, been tried and admitted to heaven.  Its luxury is primordial, polished and in perfect harmony with the natural elements in which it has been established; in a word, divine.

This is not hyperbole or delusion.  It is the inevitable judgement you too will reach after having been bathed in Soneva Fushi.

In aesthetic terms, if you’re looking for sparkle, shine and razzmatazz then this is not your place.  If, on the other hand, you have been cursed with impeccable taste and lofty standards and are looking for an idyll in blanched timber villas that have been beautifully crafted, simply decorated and adorned, seemingly without budgetary constraints, ensconced in a micro jungle bound by corals, colorful marine life and crystal clear cool waters, then figure out what it will cost you and if you can afford it, book without hesitation and if you cannot then make it your life’s mission to be able to.

This exhortation is not compelled by looks alone.  Perfectly styled appearance is simply the first premise.

Quality, as trite as the term may be, permeates each and every slice of this place.  The still water you are served at table is poured from a sweating glass jug in which a crystal rod and bulb holding various stones improve flavor and effect healthful properties.  Their always open self-service chocolate bar features numerous bite-sized chocolate confections that are too pretty to be destined for digestion.  The water sports center (in addition to offering catamarans, kayaks, surfboards, bodyboards, kiteboards windsurf boards, and hard SUP boards) has two Cayagu seabobs to whiz you around and down the reef’s edge.

It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe that crystals and quartz have healing properties, the juxtaposition of the crystal rod tethered to the jug by a delicate stainless chain and the faded wood tables and chairs creates a rustic luxury that evokes calm in the most fastidious soul by signaling you can kick up your heals but not to worry everything is premium. 

You may prefer Vosges, Knipschildt or some small batch chocolatier but Soneva are not serving branded chocolates; they are serving you chocolate treats they prepared in their kitchen and oh by the way, they use Valrhona, not Nestle.

If you already own seabobs and were hoping to cruise around in a Triton submersible….okay….I get it.  You’re right.  They should look into bringing one on board.  And that is precisely the point.  Soneva Fushi is the type of place that would have a personal submarine.  A mashup of The Life Aquatic and The Darjeeling Limited comes to mind.

Lest the foregoing leave you thinking that Soneva Fushi may be overly polished, take note that their thoroughfares and paths are “paved” with the sands of the Island unlike other luxury resorts that import the pure white variety to please and impress.  The present-day descendants of the two rabbits brought ashore by the craftsman that first built the island decades ago and the water hens whose origins I don’t know roam the Island unkempt with impunity.  And then there are the bicycles.

The approach to the bicycle at Soneva Fushi perfectly reflects its Weltanschauung.  Everyone gets a bike.  Payor and payee.  If you don’t know how to ride on two wheels or wish to haul a child you can get a cargo trike. 

They are not all the same brand or make to avoid offending the senses with corporate economies of scale.  At the same time, it’s not a hodgepodge that betrays a lack of care and planning.  There is a harmonious consistency that has been achieved by selecting certain frame styles and after-sale through hand painting. 

All the bikes I saw were single gear, had a basket and light and in some cases a rear spring clip rack.  Nothing more than what is required.  What makes the bikes Soneva is fabric pedal covers to allow barefoot use, a fabric pouch holding a towel and a wood carved rope tied number plate that identifies your villa; the fabric used is the same across all the bikes.

Adjustments, maintenance, repairs or replacements are executed with a smile in the blink of an eye.

If you are lucky, you will be assigned Aju as your Friday.  From what I’ve seen of Soneva Fushi and its 400 staff, I would suspect that all their butlers are adept at making your requests happen.  What I presume must set Aju apart is her ability to gently wake you from the stupor of your serenity, unobtrusively parade a series of options before you and then coax you into selecting one that you would have regretted not experiencing if you had any time for regrets.  This is not a ploy to generate revenue for we had opted to pay up-front for everything.  The trust this requires is not misplaced at Soneva Fushi where trust is in rich abundance.

As a result, you will feel as though you have been invited to stay with friends, whom you do not know, of a friend.  These friends happen to be the patrons of a paradisiacal island, extremely hospitable, gifted with impeccable manners and taste and eager to please.  Most of the time, you don’t deserve it.   

To prove that last proposition true, here are my cavils:

1. No personal submarine
2. The jamon serrano should be
   replaced with iberico de bellota and someone hired who can slice it well (in
   addition to the chocolate bar, there is a separate cured meats and cheese bar
   and one for ice-cream and desserts, open all the time for you to indulge)
3. The food and beverage
   program is generally speaking excellent (Sri Lankan Family Dinner is unique
   (if you’re not from the region) and the tastiest meal we had) but Fresh in
   the Garden’s menu is all over the place. 
   Rather than offer all three consulting chefs’ dual plates all the time,
   each should produce a comprehensive menu with a focus on the ingredients grown
   in your garden and each chef’s menu rotated.
4. The sushi (used generally
   not referring to nigiri) is very good but it’s not great.  It should be; particularly given its
   prominence on the various menus and in the marketing materials.
5. Spa Treatment Rooms could use
   less stone and more wood and the skylights should be fitted with shades to
   control lighting.
6. Your resident marine
   biologist’s presentation on the atolls should be mandatory upon arrival.